People are People

People are people!  That's what I was taught growing up and what I still believe, teach and live.  One of the many great truths that I was taught throughout my life.  Not only are all people, people, they each deserve respect, kindness, love and mercy.  If you can help, do!  God loves people - all people - ordinary people.

I spent the first 12 years of my life in a pretty much white community.  I never really gave it much thought.  We knew a few people of color but not many.  There just weren't many around our little town.  At age 12 we moved to Muskogee OK.  It was a very tumultuous time to be in Muskogee, OK, USA but it's where I was.  Desegregation was really just being enforced.  Now, let me explain, most of the schools were integrated and had been for a long time.  But there were a couple of African American schools that had to be disbanded and integrated into the other schools around the city.  No one seemed very happy about it.  I was pretty clueless.  People were people.  Kids were kids.  The first two girls to befriend me, the new kid, were African American.  I quickly made friends, period, just friends.  I didn't really see color.  I had Native American friends, African American friends, Caucasian and hispanic friends.  People are people.

But things started getting a little testy at school and in the community.  I lived a block and 1/2 from the school for 7th and 8th grade.  My friends came and went from my home.  When there were rumors of race riots I asked if I could stay home.  My parents said, "no, but if anything starts you get anyone who needs a place to go and come home.  We'll deal with administration later."  People are people.  I told my friends - all of them 'if anything starts, go to my house, we'll meet there'.  Fortunately we didn't have to go anywhere - only about 1/3 of the student body showed up so those that were present played games, helped teachers pack and played a student/teacher softball game.

We were bussed in ninth and tenth grade.  Ninth grade was pretty cool overall - it was just ninth graders at the school.  As we got older, things seemed to get heated, cool down, heat up again and then cool down.  It was tense a lot of the time.  There were some not good things that happened.  I had a friend ask me my senior year of high school why I wasn't prejudice after all that had happened - how could I still be friends with everyone?  My answer was that the actions of a few didn't represent the whole.  I learned that at home.  I thought this attitude was normal.  I thought it was how all people felt.  In High School I really started realizing how that really wasn't the norm.  I still didn't get it. People are people.  If you take away the skin we are all alike.  Our blood is the same color; our tissue if healthy is the same; our organs for the most part are in the same places; our bone structure is the same.  We all have a soul.  We are emotional beings.  People are people.

I had many friends 'come out' in the late 70's early '80's.  They remained my friends.  I have to say we didn't remain close since we were on such different paths but I believe they knew then and still do know that I will do anything I can to help them anytime I can.  I had one guy tell me not to pray for him anymore.  I told him if he wanted me to accept him for who he was he needed to accept me for who I am.  I pray for people.  It's a huge part of who I am and what I do.

If people are people then we must respect every person you meet as a person.  Listen to them.  Love them.  Truly care about who they are and what is happening in their life.

We also learned that you will not agree on everything - you may not agree on much - love and respect them anyway.  We had dinner together most every evening.  The dinner table was where you could talk about just about anything.  And we did!  We were raised to be thinkers and to ask questions.  We discussed lots of things at the dinner table long after the food was gone.  Some quite heated discussions took place where everyone was allowed to express their opinions, sometimes quite emphatically.  What wasn't allowed was name calling or making it personal.  Issues were fine but making it personal was not.  We also learned that it was ok to decide to agree to disagree.  When you don't get personal and respect each other, you can still walk away friends.   Now obviously we sometimes left thinking we were absolutely correct and they were airheads but we weren't allowed to voice that so it didn't get too ugly and we always knew that we were still family and still loved each other deeply.

My brother walked away from the church and most of what he was taught as a kid for many years.  His actions were so not good, so hurtful to himself and others.  My parents wouldn't allow the behaviours in the house but he was always welcome in the house.  He always knew he was loved even though he was so counter to our culture and so hand in hand with the world.   He eventually found his way back to God and then Christ and we are all thrilled that he has.  When he was walking with the world, I always loved him; prayed for him and worried about him.  I didn't interact with him in the same way I did my Christian friends and family because he didn't get it.  It didn't mean anything to him and it meant the world to me.  Now I can say 'pray with me' or 'pray for me' to him and know that he will.  When he was out in the world I didn't love him any less but our relationship was definitely different.  My parents helped me see that a person's actions do not define who they are.  You can dislike their actions but you have to love them as persons.  People are people not actions.  Actions are choices.  I can be very disappointed or disapprove of your choices and still love you.  It is true.  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (not as they do to you or before they do to you but as you want them to do to you).

Don't judge.  Don't lump everyone together.  Don't fan the fire - throw water and not gas.  I don't want to be judged by what 'white people do' or by what people do in the name of Christianity that goes totally against what I personally think and do so why would I lump all of any other group in the same boat. There always seem to be a few radical people who just keep stirring the pot and throwing gas on the littlest spark whenever possible. I feel sorry for those people, they must be pretty miserable overall.  Please don't lump me in with everyone else.

I have opinions and beliefs.  I will voice those.  I will live those.  But because I don't agree with you does not mean I'm judging you.  God is the judge, not me.  I will love you and pray for you; encourage you and support you as much as possible.  I will laugh with you and I will grieve with you.  But don't ask me to compromise who I am anymore than you want me to ask you to compromise who you are.  People are people and I am one of them.  Fallible.  Imperfect.  Learning.  Growing.  but Loved by God!  He loves everyone and does not want any to perish.  Choose Him.  choose life.

People are people.  Really we are.

2 years, really?!

Since I've been posting about my walk with grief off and on for the past two years, I'll post again tonight.  I've been ambushed all weekend long and even into today.  Tears flow quite easily lately with thoughts of my dad.  It has definitely caught me off guard.  This is actually my third father's day without my dad.  It's also the month he died and the month we uprooted and moved my mom  two years ago.

I don't think the first father's day counted - we were just simply in shock.  It had only been a couple of weeks.  Handling holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and special times has sometimes been very easy and at others quite emotionally difficult.  I wish I could predict which way it would be and could plan accordingly but it doesn't seem to work that way.

I do know that we all talk about my dad more than we did for the first year.  The first year, I'm not sure if we knew when it was ok and when it wasn't and if we could trust our emotions or not.  We're actually a pretty private family and not real emotional so I think this has been quite a shock for all of us.  We all grieve separately and yet collectively.

I hope my posts encourage you in your walk through grief or you walk with someone else through grief to just know it's ok.  It really is ok; to talk or not talk; to cry or not cry; to celebrate or not celebrate; to write or not to write; it's all ok.  But I would encourage you to let yourself feel however that manifests itself.  It's ok to be sad.  It's ok to laugh at funny memories.  It's ok to miss his voice.  It's ok to talk about them.  It's ok to keep their memory alive in your life and the lives of others.  It's ok to quote them.  It's ok to let the feelings show and it's ok to grieve in private.  I think probably healthy grief is all of these things happening at some point in time.

I'm a few weeks, months ahead of some of you on this path and a few weeks or years behind some of you but many of you are sharing the path with me.  Know that I frequently think of you in the midst of my grief and pray that you'll find more positive than negative in the moments you experience and trust the Lord to hold your hand through all of it.  I'm not sure when it gets easier but I do know it's constantly changing.  Sorry this is so long!