2 years, really?!

Since I've been posting about my walk with grief off and on for the past two years, I'll post again tonight.  I've been ambushed all weekend long and even into today.  Tears flow quite easily lately with thoughts of my dad.  It has definitely caught me off guard.  This is actually my third father's day without my dad.  It's also the month he died and the month we uprooted and moved my mom  two years ago.

I don't think the first father's day counted - we were just simply in shock.  It had only been a couple of weeks.  Handling holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and special times has sometimes been very easy and at others quite emotionally difficult.  I wish I could predict which way it would be and could plan accordingly but it doesn't seem to work that way.

I do know that we all talk about my dad more than we did for the first year.  The first year, I'm not sure if we knew when it was ok and when it wasn't and if we could trust our emotions or not.  We're actually a pretty private family and not real emotional so I think this has been quite a shock for all of us.  We all grieve separately and yet collectively.

I hope my posts encourage you in your walk through grief or you walk with someone else through grief to just know it's ok.  It really is ok; to talk or not talk; to cry or not cry; to celebrate or not celebrate; to write or not to write; it's all ok.  But I would encourage you to let yourself feel however that manifests itself.  It's ok to be sad.  It's ok to laugh at funny memories.  It's ok to miss his voice.  It's ok to talk about them.  It's ok to keep their memory alive in your life and the lives of others.  It's ok to quote them.  It's ok to let the feelings show and it's ok to grieve in private.  I think probably healthy grief is all of these things happening at some point in time.

I'm a few weeks, months ahead of some of you on this path and a few weeks or years behind some of you but many of you are sharing the path with me.  Know that I frequently think of you in the midst of my grief and pray that you'll find more positive than negative in the moments you experience and trust the Lord to hold your hand through all of it.  I'm not sure when it gets easier but I do know it's constantly changing.  Sorry this is so long!