What I've Learned - Sort of

What I've Learned - Sort of

Marilyn Stark – January 28, 2017

In 1995 God began doing an incredible work in my life!  The trajectory of my world totally changed.  In 1998 or so I was asked to speak at women’s brunch.  I shared “What I’ve learned in the last 5 years”.  I don’t remember all the points but I do remember two of them: 1) life is journey  2) about the time you think you’ve arrived, the destination changes.  That same day, I shared a saying that still hangs on my wall, “the important thing is this: to be able to sacrifice any moment what we are for what we can become.” 

I had been challenged by God in ways I could not have imagined.  I had been plucked out of my safe comfort zone into a world I’d never been in.  Now, some 20 years later, I find myself in somewhat the same place. 

Tomorrow (the 29^th of January) I ‘turn 60’ – that actually means I’ve completed 60 years on this planet.  It has given me reason to think about what that means and what have I accomplished in those 60 years?  19 ½ years ago I started as a volunteer at Love Link Ministries.   In November God called me away from Love Link and in a few weeks I will no longer be the Executive Director.  What am I going to do?  I really don’t know.  I’m not worried about it.  My family and friends are a little nervous for me.  But what have I learned in the last 20 years or the last 60 years for that matter? 

1)      As long as you’re breathing you have a purpose – seek it and fulfill it.

2)      I’m not nearly as smart as I thought I was

3)      We never stop growing in the Lord – there is always more to learn and do

4)      God is always more than enough – GOD IS BIGGER!

5)      “the important thing is this: to be able to sacrifice any moment what we are for what we can become.” 

6)      God never wastes any events in your life – He will use it all if we let Him

7)      Life is a journey

8)      About the time the you think you’ve arrived; the destination changes

I’m looking forward to what this next chapter in my life will hold.  I do know that if He’s taken care of me for the last 60 years I don’t have to worry about however long I have left.  He has always met my needs and He will show me the next steps. 

Oh, and we really do need each other now and then!

People are People

People are people!  That's what I was taught growing up and what I still believe, teach and live.  One of the many great truths that I was taught throughout my life.  Not only are all people, people, they each deserve respect, kindness, love and mercy.  If you can help, do!  God loves people - all people - ordinary people.

I spent the first 12 years of my life in a pretty much white community.  I never really gave it much thought.  We knew a few people of color but not many.  There just weren't many around our little town.  At age 12 we moved to Muskogee OK.  It was a very tumultuous time to be in Muskogee, OK, USA but it's where I was.  Desegregation was really just being enforced.  Now, let me explain, most of the schools were integrated and had been for a long time.  But there were a couple of African American schools that had to be disbanded and integrated into the other schools around the city.  No one seemed very happy about it.  I was pretty clueless.  People were people.  Kids were kids.  The first two girls to befriend me, the new kid, were African American.  I quickly made friends, period, just friends.  I didn't really see color.  I had Native American friends, African American friends, Caucasian and hispanic friends.  People are people.

But things started getting a little testy at school and in the community.  I lived a block and 1/2 from the school for 7th and 8th grade.  My friends came and went from my home.  When there were rumors of race riots I asked if I could stay home.  My parents said, "no, but if anything starts you get anyone who needs a place to go and come home.  We'll deal with administration later."  People are people.  I told my friends - all of them 'if anything starts, go to my house, we'll meet there'.  Fortunately we didn't have to go anywhere - only about 1/3 of the student body showed up so those that were present played games, helped teachers pack and played a student/teacher softball game.

We were bussed in ninth and tenth grade.  Ninth grade was pretty cool overall - it was just ninth graders at the school.  As we got older, things seemed to get heated, cool down, heat up again and then cool down.  It was tense a lot of the time.  There were some not good things that happened.  I had a friend ask me my senior year of high school why I wasn't prejudice after all that had happened - how could I still be friends with everyone?  My answer was that the actions of a few didn't represent the whole.  I learned that at home.  I thought this attitude was normal.  I thought it was how all people felt.  In High School I really started realizing how that really wasn't the norm.  I still didn't get it. People are people.  If you take away the skin we are all alike.  Our blood is the same color; our tissue if healthy is the same; our organs for the most part are in the same places; our bone structure is the same.  We all have a soul.  We are emotional beings.  People are people.

I had many friends 'come out' in the late 70's early '80's.  They remained my friends.  I have to say we didn't remain close since we were on such different paths but I believe they knew then and still do know that I will do anything I can to help them anytime I can.  I had one guy tell me not to pray for him anymore.  I told him if he wanted me to accept him for who he was he needed to accept me for who I am.  I pray for people.  It's a huge part of who I am and what I do.

If people are people then we must respect every person you meet as a person.  Listen to them.  Love them.  Truly care about who they are and what is happening in their life.

We also learned that you will not agree on everything - you may not agree on much - love and respect them anyway.  We had dinner together most every evening.  The dinner table was where you could talk about just about anything.  And we did!  We were raised to be thinkers and to ask questions.  We discussed lots of things at the dinner table long after the food was gone.  Some quite heated discussions took place where everyone was allowed to express their opinions, sometimes quite emphatically.  What wasn't allowed was name calling or making it personal.  Issues were fine but making it personal was not.  We also learned that it was ok to decide to agree to disagree.  When you don't get personal and respect each other, you can still walk away friends.   Now obviously we sometimes left thinking we were absolutely correct and they were airheads but we weren't allowed to voice that so it didn't get too ugly and we always knew that we were still family and still loved each other deeply.

My brother walked away from the church and most of what he was taught as a kid for many years.  His actions were so not good, so hurtful to himself and others.  My parents wouldn't allow the behaviours in the house but he was always welcome in the house.  He always knew he was loved even though he was so counter to our culture and so hand in hand with the world.   He eventually found his way back to God and then Christ and we are all thrilled that he has.  When he was walking with the world, I always loved him; prayed for him and worried about him.  I didn't interact with him in the same way I did my Christian friends and family because he didn't get it.  It didn't mean anything to him and it meant the world to me.  Now I can say 'pray with me' or 'pray for me' to him and know that he will.  When he was out in the world I didn't love him any less but our relationship was definitely different.  My parents helped me see that a person's actions do not define who they are.  You can dislike their actions but you have to love them as persons.  People are people not actions.  Actions are choices.  I can be very disappointed or disapprove of your choices and still love you.  It is true.  "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (not as they do to you or before they do to you but as you want them to do to you).

Don't judge.  Don't lump everyone together.  Don't fan the fire - throw water and not gas.  I don't want to be judged by what 'white people do' or by what people do in the name of Christianity that goes totally against what I personally think and do so why would I lump all of any other group in the same boat. There always seem to be a few radical people who just keep stirring the pot and throwing gas on the littlest spark whenever possible. I feel sorry for those people, they must be pretty miserable overall.  Please don't lump me in with everyone else.

I have opinions and beliefs.  I will voice those.  I will live those.  But because I don't agree with you does not mean I'm judging you.  God is the judge, not me.  I will love you and pray for you; encourage you and support you as much as possible.  I will laugh with you and I will grieve with you.  But don't ask me to compromise who I am anymore than you want me to ask you to compromise who you are.  People are people and I am one of them.  Fallible.  Imperfect.  Learning.  Growing.  but Loved by God!  He loves everyone and does not want any to perish.  Choose Him.  choose life.

People are people.  Really we are.

2 years, really?!

Since I've been posting about my walk with grief off and on for the past two years, I'll post again tonight.  I've been ambushed all weekend long and even into today.  Tears flow quite easily lately with thoughts of my dad.  It has definitely caught me off guard.  This is actually my third father's day without my dad.  It's also the month he died and the month we uprooted and moved my mom  two years ago.

I don't think the first father's day counted - we were just simply in shock.  It had only been a couple of weeks.  Handling holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and special times has sometimes been very easy and at others quite emotionally difficult.  I wish I could predict which way it would be and could plan accordingly but it doesn't seem to work that way.

I do know that we all talk about my dad more than we did for the first year.  The first year, I'm not sure if we knew when it was ok and when it wasn't and if we could trust our emotions or not.  We're actually a pretty private family and not real emotional so I think this has been quite a shock for all of us.  We all grieve separately and yet collectively.

I hope my posts encourage you in your walk through grief or you walk with someone else through grief to just know it's ok.  It really is ok; to talk or not talk; to cry or not cry; to celebrate or not celebrate; to write or not to write; it's all ok.  But I would encourage you to let yourself feel however that manifests itself.  It's ok to be sad.  It's ok to laugh at funny memories.  It's ok to miss his voice.  It's ok to talk about them.  It's ok to keep their memory alive in your life and the lives of others.  It's ok to quote them.  It's ok to let the feelings show and it's ok to grieve in private.  I think probably healthy grief is all of these things happening at some point in time.

I'm a few weeks, months ahead of some of you on this path and a few weeks or years behind some of you but many of you are sharing the path with me.  Know that I frequently think of you in the midst of my grief and pray that you'll find more positive than negative in the moments you experience and trust the Lord to hold your hand through all of it.  I'm not sure when it gets easier but I do know it's constantly changing.  Sorry this is so long!

What I've Learned This Year - Grief Stinks!

I was an ICU nurse for 12 years.  I saw death up close and personal on a regular basis.  I've seen more death than I like to think about. I have helped many people say goodbye to their loved ones.  I know the patterns, the norms.  I see the signs.  I've helped family members in every way, every step along the way.   I thought I knew death.  Then one year ago my world changed dramatically with the death of my counselor, my cheerleader, my friend, my role model, my teacher, my father, my dad, my daddy.  I'm blessed to still have my mom fulfilling many of those roles today and for that I am extremely thankful.  I know she won't be here forever, either.  So I look back and think, what I have learned because I didn't know this side of death at all. 

No. 1 - Everyone dies differently.  Some people die alone.  Some surrounded by loved ones.  Some linger. Some go quickly.  Some know it is coming.  Some have no clue that death is anywhere in the neighborhood.  Personally, with my dad, we were blessed that he went very quietly and very quickly but not totally without warning even though he slipped into eternity much quicker than anyone thought he would, even the healthcare professionals.

No. 2 - No matter how much you think you know and how much you think you're prepared, you aren't.  Death catches you off guard.  People don't die when you think they will.  You're mind may be prepared but your heart is never ready.  

No. 3 - the first week is a blur.  Time stands still and at the some moment flies by.  Minutes turn into hours which turn into days.  There is a lot to do after someone dies, even when you think you're prepared, there is still a lot to do!  The first few days you just put one foot in front of the other and do what has to be done that day and try to remember to breathe.

No. 4 - Someone has to take the lead.  No one wants to but someone must.  Hopefully if there are several in your family you find a way to divide the responsibilities but someone has to take the lead and it often is not who you always thought it would be.

No. 5 - Grief is different for everyone.   Every individual.  Every family.  Every single person in the world will grieve in their own way.  There is no text book.  There are no rules.  There are no accurate time tables.  There may be some similarities  There are some things that people can kind of prepare you for but you're never really prepared for how it effects you or those around you.   I didn't really 'feel' until about the third month, I just thought I did! (I hear the 2nd year can be worse in some ways and better in others time will tell for me).

No. 6 -  Grief is intensely personal!  You basically grieve alone.  You will have moments of sharing your grief but no one can grieve for you.  Friends and loved ones can try to comfort and encourage but they cannot grieve for you.  You have to walk the road for yourself.

No. 7 - The 'firsts' are many and varied.  They are hard to prepare for but you really should have a plan of some sort..

No 8 - There are books and people who can assist you along the way.

No. 9 - You must have people who are interceding for you and encouraging you regularly.  It is helpful if they've been down the path but not essential.  There are no words that 'make it all better' but from time to time you need 'words' of love and encouragement, sympathy and a level of understanding.

No. 10 - Once you've lost someone really close to you, you will never look at death and grief the same way.  Going through the process makes you much more empathetic to those around you as they lose friends and loved ones.  

No. 11 - God's grace is sufficient.  Always.  Its ok to cry.  God sees the tears.  He hugs you close and whispers in your ear that He is here and that He loves you and it really is going to be ok.  

No. 12 - It really will be ok - eventually

No 13 - I have no idea when it gets better.  But it has highs and lows throughout the year.  It is better one minute and then hits you like a ton of bricks the next.

No. 14 - The hope of heaven is wonderful!  It makes it all worthwhile.  

No. 15 - Your loved one lives on through you.  They have helped form you, good or bad.  Take the very best of them that you knew and live it fully.  Let them continue to mold you into a better person.  Be better because they walked this earth.  Pass on their legacy, everything good about them, to those you know and love.  I still hear my father's wise counsel.  I've started calling them 'dad-isms'.  

No. 16 - You will sing again.  Let God give you a song in your heart.  Trust Him with your future.  Lean on Him constantly.  Live a life that will be pleasing to Him.  Look for the good in everything and everyone.  Do not let grief defeat you.

No. 17 - You will never fully understand grief.  You will never stop grieving.  That person never ceases to exist.  They really are a part of your very fabric.  Celebrate them.  Find ways to celebrate their life instead of grieving their death.  Some days that is easier than others but it is an essential goal.  

No. 18 - Grief stinks

  

Are you willing to give up your singleness: Calling Us to a Life of Discomfort

Calling Us to a Life of Discomfort

“Are you willing to give up your singleness?”

“What?”

“Are you willing to give up your singleness?”

“Who me?  You've made me quite content in my singleness.  Why would You ask if I’m willing to give up my singleness?  I’m not dating anyone.  I've truly learned to be content where you have me.  Give up my singleness?  Really?  What’s this all about?”

These questions came in January when our pastor was preaching a series on getting out of your comfort zone and being in over your head with Christ.  I work every day over my head and totally dependent upon God. I am way out of my comfort zone – or am I?

I know I’m in over my head.  I know I’m dependent upon God but after 15 years there is a level of comfort in the deep end.  So during the series, at one point I felt like I knew exactly what he was preaching about and living right there.  Then God threw me a curve ball.  “Would you be willing to give up your singleness?”  Wow!  That question scared me to death because I have no idea what it means.  I still don’t know for sure.

I’m content in my singleness.  I know this is a gift.  The Lord has enabled me to not only be content but to be happy in my singleness.  All the time, no!  The majority of time, yes.  I frequently tell people I’m unhappy single less time than most of my married friends are unhappy in their marriages so I think that’s pretty good.  I’ve been single my whole life.  I’m used to it.  It is my comfort zone.  No relationship going on.  Not looking for one.  SO where did this come from – what is God asking? And why?

My answer eventually was ‘of course, I’ll do whatever You want for me.  I want to be in the center of Your will’.  But what does that mean and what does it look like and what are You really asking?

At first I thought ok, there’s a relationship coming.  Am I ready?  What do I want in a relationship?  What is the point in marriage at age 57?  What would I be looking for?  I asked some single adults (over age 50), what would you be looking for in a partner at this stage of the game?  One of the first answers was ‘someone to do ministry with’.  I can go with that.  We are not looking for someone to have a family with at this point – that ship has sailed.  We might be looking for someone to help with grandchildren but I’m not having children at this point in my life.  Not without divine intervention and a miracle like Sarah received and frankly, I’d rather not!  I see why Sarah laughed when she heard the news!  I’d probably cry.

What questions do you need to ask:  Where do you want to be buried?  Who is going to take care of you if anything happens.  If you have children, do your children make decisions or does the new spouse?  If you need long-term care, who decides when and where?  What debt do you bring into the relationship?  What assets do you bring into the relationship?  Do you draw up separate wills?  How do your children feel about it – do you care?  Where do you spend holidays?  If your parents are living, are both parties willing to do what it takes as they get older and need more care?  What are you goals at this point in your life?  These are just a few thoughts that were tossed around.

And then, I took a long look at what I would be giving up or what would change.  I like my freedom.  I’m used to my freedom.  If I want to go out to eat, I go out.  If I stay late at work, no one cares. If I eat early or late or not at all it doesn’t effect anyone else.  When I go to bed or get up or come or go, its all my decision and pretty much mine alone.  If I do the dishes at night or in the morning, no one cares.  If I make my bed or I don’t make my bed – it only effects me.  Being in a relationship would change my world more than I ever thought about.  It’s an interesting proposition. 

When we were young we were so romantic about relationships.   We looked through rose colored glasses.  Nothing mattered except that we were in love; had found the one to grow old with; found the one to have children with and raise a family with; our soul-mate.  Even though I never married, the blinders are off.  We are all human.  We all have faults.  Marriage doesn't mean you’ll have someone to get old with – I have too many friends who've had to put their spouses into Jesus hands for eternity; too many relationships that have ended in divorce; we learned that there are no guarantees in life.  We have also learned, hopefully, that God goes through us with everything that happens.  Do I want to marry someone and grieve like I've seen my friends grieve or have someone grieve for me as they have for their first spouse lost to disease or accident.  Can I make a good choice at this point – I sure don’t want to be lonely in a relationship.

God was asking me, am I willing to put someone else way above my own needs, wants and desires.  My answer was, with His help, yes.

Then the question took on a different aspect.  Was I willing to give up my time; calling my own shots every evening; and doing what I want most of the time.  Now if you know me, you know I’m very involved with various people and things and that there are times that are not my own.  But I had gotten very protective of my evenings that weren't taken by commitments.  I was content with my group of friends that I hang out with on a regular basis.  I was comfortable in social life.  It was working.  Was I willing to commit to some other things that might not be so comfortable?  If that’s what He was asking, yes, I would do it.  So, I started helping on Wednesday night with the college ministry.  I've called some other people from time to time to see if they want to do something on a social level.  I've tried to sing more and watch TV less.  I’m asking God, what do You want me to be involved in; who do You want me to be involved with; How do I reach out to those around in me in a new way?  Was I willing to commit to a Bible Study or fellowship group or ???  I’m not sure what it will really look like in a few months.

I am a giving person on many levels but found myself cubby-holing other things just for me.  God reaches down and says – can I have that?  Can I use that?  What’s in your hand?  Will you step closer to me and to others?  Will you pour yourself into Me and even more so into others as you move into the future? 

Giving up my singleness is definitely out of my comfort zone.  I really don’t like to initiate social activities with individuals.  Entering into a relationship at this point would scare me to death and yet it would be exciting as well.  What can God do through two of us better than He can do it through us as individuals and separately?  There is no relationship at this time.  There may never be and I’m good with that.  But it did make me take a step back and entertain an idea I haven’t entertained in a long time.  

That question has taken all kinds of connotations.  God is asking me to get out of my comfort zone personally and I’m seeking to do that according to His will.  I’m trying to listen. 

If you were to step out of your comfort zone what would that look like?  What is He asking you to do?  He doesn't call you to be comfortable, this is a lie.  He calls you to be dependent upon Him and serve Him in every way with all your heart, mind, soul and strength.  What will that look like in the next few months?  I have no idea!  But I can trust Him. I've trusted Him most of my life.  I don’t plan on changing that now.  Are you comfortable in your discomfort, has it become so familiar that it’s comfortable in its own weird way?  If so, in addition to that level of discomfort, what is God asking you to do?  How is He wanting to shake up your world and use you in new ways?  

Not so good at this afterall!

Ok, so I haven't been very good at this blog stuff afterall.  I love to write or at least I did at one point in my life.  I think about it often but haven't had much follow through.  So tonight, you'll get a couple of posts!  But no promises that it will be more often.  I'm just not sure!

On Tuesday, my dad will have been in heaven for a year.  In some ways, it doesn't seem possible that its been a full year.  In other ways, it feels like he's been gone a very long time.  I quote what I now lovingly call 'dad-isms' frequently.  My dad was a very wise man.  He was quiet, gentle and kind.  When I was younger I used to wish he would just spank me instead of talk to me.  If he would have just hit me then it would be over.  When he would talk to me I would have to think about it for a very long time and then it would come back to me later, too.

When I was in 9th grade I came home in tears.  Hurt and angry.  Someone had criticized my dress and hurt my feelings.  We talked.  He asked me if I liked the person who had said the hurtful things?  Were they my friend?  Did I like how they dress?  Do I think they have good taste?  Does their opinion really matter to me?  Then he told me that no one has the ability to hurt me unless I let them.  Of course, I argued that point with him.  He stated again that no one can hurt me unless I let them.  He told me not to give other people that kind of power over me.  I didn't totally get that at the time and I don't always act on it now but it comes back to me and empowers me to take ownership of my feelings and actions.  He also said that when someone is critical you should think about what was said and who said it: does the statement have merit?  Does the person have my best interest at heart?  Do I value this person's opinion?  If the statement has merit and I can change something, then change it.  If it doesn't have merit, discard it.  Do I care what this person thinks, really care?  If so, can I change the situation, if so, do so, if not then accept that you can't change it and move on.  Is it really a matter of opinion?  Can we agree to have differing opinions.  Be true to myself and God and then move forward but don't allow their opinion to ruin my day.

He also taught me that I don't have the power to change people.  I cannot control others actions, thoughts or feelings any more than they can control mine.  When being blamed for something realize that you really don't have that much power.  When being given credit for something remember that you don't have that much power.  Be thankful you don't have the power to do some things - it could back fire.  God is the only one with the power to change a person.  Don't put yourself under that kind of pressure.  I am responsible to God for my actions and mine alone.  If my actions effect others then I'm responsible to God for that action but they are responsible for their reactions.  Its very freeing when I remember to implement these truths.

He taught me to think!  He taught me to ask questions.  He taught me to trust God.  He taught me to love people, all people.  He taught me that every person has value.  Every person has a soul.  I can hate the person's actions but I cannot hate the person because every person is loved by God and I have to love them as well.  He taught me that life isn't fair but God will always be there.  He taught me that Christianity is not about rules and regulations; it's about a relationship with the most High God through Christ His Son.  He taught me that God sees the heart and we only see the exterior.  He taught me to try to see the interior, the reason behind the action, the hurt behind the anger, the motive behind the motion.  He taught me that God is merciful and that I have to be as well.  

I was indeed blessed with a Godly father.  I didn't deserve it but I got it and I'm so very thankful for this undeserved blessing.  I'm not saying he was perfect, he wasn't.  I'm not saying that life was problem free, it wasn't.  But I'm saying that in his humanity and shortcomings he still taught me that God loves us just as we are, where we are and that He wants the best for us and from us.

His words come back to me often and for that I am thankful.  I'm teaching these concepts to those around me and in that way he lives on in and through us and them.  When I get out of whack and think I can save the world I hear him say 'that is not within your control, sorry, you're just not that powerful'.  I hear him ask 'is it really within your power to do anything about that? if so, do it! If not commit it to God and move on'.

I may write more 'dad-isms in the future, I don't know, but there are many that just help you have perspective!   For tonight, I say, thank You, Lord for a godly father that came from a broken abusive home but through You changed the lineage and taught us that your past does not determine your future.  And thank you, Dad, for being real everyday of your life and living out your walk with the Lord before all of us.

Ambushes

A little over 10 years ago a friend of mine was killed in an accident.  We were all very shocked and taken aback.  A few months later I was talking with his widow about the grief process and how strange it is and different for everyone.  5 years later another friend lost her husband after a two week illness.  I was talking to the first woman about grief.  She said to tell my friend to expect to be 'ambushed'.  I said, 'what?"  She said, 'blindsided by emotion, its like you've been ambushed - you don't see it coming and aren't expecting it all, but all of a sudden you're in a pile of tears - ambushed".  It made sense.  I hadn't really ever experienced it, but it made sense. 

Since that time I've had several friends lose a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, a dear friend - a lot of grief going around.  I try to always caution them about being 'ambushed' and to know that it is ok, it is normal, it is part of the process.  And it can happen ten years after the fact - even if you've remarried or whatever - that love you felt never goes away and you can still be ambushed by simple things.

I've been so busy getting things done and catching up that I really haven't been very emotional about losing my dad.  I think about it a lot but not really on an emotional level.  I think its been my safeguard, my own form of denial or dealing or ???  I was very close to my Dad.  He was my babysitter until I was 5 years old.  He took me everywhere with him when he was the local Nazarene pastor in Yukon.  If he had a meeting, I went.  Then in grade school he and I would 'go get a coke'  (that's what you do in Oklahoma whether its root beer, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, Coke, Orange - you 'go get a coke').  On the way there and/or on the way back after we'd solved all the world's problems, we would do rapid calculation with math facts.  Whatever I was supposed to be learning in school we would do out loud in the car. 

It went something like this: 
"What's 2 + 2?" 
"4."
"take away 3"
"1"
"Add 11"
"12"
"Times 3"
"36"
"Divided by 6"
"6"

and on we'd go until we got to our next stop or tired out, whichever came first.  I learned a lot and could do math very quickly in my head.  I didn't really know he was teaching me.  It was a game and I loved it.

My Dad sold cars for awhile after he pastored while he went to school to complete his Master's Degree in Psychology.  He was good at it.  He earned lots of stuff for selling cars.  Two items he earned were a six foot coffee table and a lamp.  When we moved from Ft. Gibson last month, there were a total of 5 pieces of furniture still in use in our home, three of those went to Mom's apartment.  The coffee table and lamp did not fit.  We decided to sell them in the garage sale.

I talked to several people about that furniture with no emotion at all.  But when the guy paid for them and carried away the table, I discovered the meaning of 'ambushed'.  Flooded with emotion of my dad and the fact that he is not here on earth anymore.  All the memories surrounding that coffee table that for years held the family Bible and served as a place to share coffee and stories; used as a place for the grandkids to color on and lots of other things tied up in a piece of furniture.  Its not the coffee table.  Its not that we sold it.  Its the wonderful feelings that were generated through the years in the home that housed the table, that when we had no money was given as a reward for a job well done.  Now, Dad has an eternal reward for a job well done.

The ambushes will continue.  The grief process will continue.  The hole is there, no one will ever fill it!  But,  by God's grace and design we will move forward through life and complete our tasks here.

So if you've lost someone or know someone who has, beware of 'ambushes'.  Let yourself feel and grieve and remember and be blessed by the fact that the person was a part of your life for however long you had them.  God is still on the throne.  He is still good.  His mercies are new every morning.