Ok, so I haven't been very good at this blog stuff afterall. I love to write or at least I did at one point in my life. I think about it often but haven't had much follow through. So tonight, you'll get a couple of posts! But no promises that it will be more often. I'm just not sure!
On Tuesday, my dad will have been in heaven for a year. In some ways, it doesn't seem possible that its been a full year. In other ways, it feels like he's been gone a very long time. I quote what I now lovingly call 'dad-isms' frequently. My dad was a very wise man. He was quiet, gentle and kind. When I was younger I used to wish he would just spank me instead of talk to me. If he would have just hit me then it would be over. When he would talk to me I would have to think about it for a very long time and then it would come back to me later, too.
When I was in 9th grade I came home in tears. Hurt and angry. Someone had criticized my dress and hurt my feelings. We talked. He asked me if I liked the person who had said the hurtful things? Were they my friend? Did I like how they dress? Do I think they have good taste? Does their opinion really matter to me? Then he told me that no one has the ability to hurt me unless I let them. Of course, I argued that point with him. He stated again that no one can hurt me unless I let them. He told me not to give other people that kind of power over me. I didn't totally get that at the time and I don't always act on it now but it comes back to me and empowers me to take ownership of my feelings and actions. He also said that when someone is critical you should think about what was said and who said it: does the statement have merit? Does the person have my best interest at heart? Do I value this person's opinion? If the statement has merit and I can change something, then change it. If it doesn't have merit, discard it. Do I care what this person thinks, really care? If so, can I change the situation, if so, do so, if not then accept that you can't change it and move on. Is it really a matter of opinion? Can we agree to have differing opinions. Be true to myself and God and then move forward but don't allow their opinion to ruin my day.
He also taught me that I don't have the power to change people. I cannot control others actions, thoughts or feelings any more than they can control mine. When being blamed for something realize that you really don't have that much power. When being given credit for something remember that you don't have that much power. Be thankful you don't have the power to do some things - it could back fire. God is the only one with the power to change a person. Don't put yourself under that kind of pressure. I am responsible to God for my actions and mine alone. If my actions effect others then I'm responsible to God for that action but they are responsible for their reactions. Its very freeing when I remember to implement these truths.
He taught me to think! He taught me to ask questions. He taught me to trust God. He taught me to love people, all people. He taught me that every person has value. Every person has a soul. I can hate the person's actions but I cannot hate the person because every person is loved by God and I have to love them as well. He taught me that life isn't fair but God will always be there. He taught me that Christianity is not about rules and regulations; it's about a relationship with the most High God through Christ His Son. He taught me that God sees the heart and we only see the exterior. He taught me to try to see the interior, the reason behind the action, the hurt behind the anger, the motive behind the motion. He taught me that God is merciful and that I have to be as well.
I was indeed blessed with a Godly father. I didn't deserve it but I got it and I'm so very thankful for this undeserved blessing. I'm not saying he was perfect, he wasn't. I'm not saying that life was problem free, it wasn't. But I'm saying that in his humanity and shortcomings he still taught me that God loves us just as we are, where we are and that He wants the best for us and from us.
His words come back to me often and for that I am thankful. I'm teaching these concepts to those around me and in that way he lives on in and through us and them. When I get out of whack and think I can save the world I hear him say 'that is not within your control, sorry, you're just not that powerful'. I hear him ask 'is it really within your power to do anything about that? if so, do it! If not commit it to God and move on'.
I may write more 'dad-isms in the future, I don't know, but there are many that just help you have perspective! For tonight, I say, thank You, Lord for a godly father that came from a broken abusive home but through You changed the lineage and taught us that your past does not determine your future. And thank you, Dad, for being real everyday of your life and living out your walk with the Lord before all of us.
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