Calling Us to a Life of Discomfort
“Are you willing to give up your singleness?”
“What?”
“Are you willing to give up your singleness?”
“Who me? You've made
me quite content in my singleness. Why
would You ask if I’m willing to give up my singleness? I’m not dating anyone. I've truly learned to be content where you
have me. Give up my singleness? Really?
What’s this all about?”
These questions came in January when our pastor was
preaching a series on getting out of your comfort zone and being in over your
head with Christ. I work every day over
my head and totally dependent upon God. I am way out of my comfort zone – or am
I?
I know I’m in over my head.
I know I’m dependent upon God but after 15 years there is a level of
comfort in the deep end. So during the
series, at one point I felt like I knew exactly what he was preaching about and
living right there. Then God threw me a
curve ball. “Would you be willing to
give up your singleness?” Wow! That question scared me to death because I
have no idea what it means. I still don’t
know for sure.
I’m content in my singleness. I know this is a gift. The Lord has enabled me to not only be
content but to be happy in my singleness.
All the time, no! The majority of
time, yes. I frequently tell people I’m
unhappy single less time than most of my married friends are unhappy in their marriages
so I think that’s pretty good. I’ve been
single my whole life. I’m used to
it. It is my comfort zone. No relationship going on. Not looking for one. SO where did this come from – what is God
asking? And why?
My answer eventually was ‘of course, I’ll do whatever You
want for me. I want to be in the center
of Your will’. But what does that mean
and what does it look like and what are You really asking?
At first I thought ok, there’s a relationship coming. Am I ready?
What do I want in a relationship?
What is the point in marriage at age 57?
What would I be looking for? I
asked some single adults (over age 50), what would you be looking for in a
partner at this stage of the game? One
of the first answers was ‘someone to do ministry with’. I can go with that. We are not looking for someone to have a
family with at this point – that ship has sailed. We might be looking for someone to help with
grandchildren but I’m not having children at this point in my life. Not without divine intervention and a miracle
like Sarah received and frankly, I’d rather not! I see why Sarah laughed when she heard the
news! I’d probably cry.
What questions do you need to ask: Where do you want to be buried? Who is going to take care of you if anything
happens. If you have children, do your
children make decisions or does the new spouse?
If you need long-term care, who decides when and where? What debt do you bring into the
relationship? What assets do you bring
into the relationship? Do you draw up
separate wills? How do your children
feel about it – do you care? Where do
you spend holidays? If your parents are
living, are both parties willing to do what it takes as they get older and need
more care? What are you goals at this
point in your life? These are just a few
thoughts that were tossed around.
And then, I took a long look at what I would be giving up or
what would change. I like my
freedom. I’m used to my freedom. If I want to go out to eat, I go out. If I stay late at work, no one cares. If I eat
early or late or not at all it doesn’t effect anyone else. When I go to bed or get up or come or go, its
all my decision and pretty much mine alone.
If I do the dishes at night or in the morning, no one cares. If I make my bed or I don’t make my bed – it only
effects me. Being in a relationship
would change my world more than I ever thought about. It’s an interesting proposition.
When we were young we were so romantic about
relationships. We looked through rose
colored glasses. Nothing mattered except
that we were in love; had found the one to grow old with; found the one to have
children with and raise a family with; our soul-mate. Even though I never married, the blinders are
off. We are all human. We all have faults. Marriage doesn't mean you’ll have someone to
get old with – I have too many friends who've had to put their spouses into
Jesus hands for eternity; too many relationships that have ended in divorce; we
learned that there are no guarantees in life.
We have also learned, hopefully, that God goes through us with
everything that happens. Do I want to
marry someone and grieve like I've seen my friends grieve or have someone
grieve for me as they have for their first spouse lost to disease or
accident. Can I make a good choice at
this point – I sure don’t want to be lonely in a relationship.
God was asking me, am I willing to put someone else way
above my own needs, wants and desires.
My answer was, with His help, yes.
Then the question took on a different aspect. Was I willing to give up my time; calling my
own shots every evening; and doing what I want most of the time. Now if you know me, you know I’m very
involved with various people and things and that there are times that are not
my own. But I had gotten very protective
of my evenings that weren't taken by commitments. I was content with my group of friends that I
hang out with on a regular basis. I was
comfortable in social life. It was
working. Was I willing to commit to some
other things that might not be so comfortable?
If that’s what He was asking, yes, I would do it. So, I started helping on Wednesday night with
the college ministry. I've called some
other people from time to time to see if they want to do something on a social
level. I've tried to sing more and watch
TV less. I’m asking God, what do You
want me to be involved in; who do You want me to be involved with; How do I
reach out to those around in me in a new way? Was I willing to commit to a Bible Study or
fellowship group or ??? I’m not sure
what it will really look like in a few months.
I am a giving person on many levels but found myself cubby-holing other things just for me. God
reaches down and says – can I have that?
Can I use that? What’s in your
hand? Will you step closer to me and to
others? Will you pour yourself into Me
and even more so into others as you move into the future?
Giving up my singleness is definitely out of my comfort
zone. I really don’t like to initiate
social activities with individuals. Entering
into a relationship at this point would scare me to death and yet it would be
exciting as well. What can God do
through two of us better than He can do it through us as individuals and
separately? There is no relationship at
this time. There may never be and I’m
good with that. But it did make me take
a step back and entertain an idea I haven’t entertained in a long time.
That question has taken all kinds of
connotations. God is asking me to get
out of my comfort zone personally and I’m seeking to do that according to His
will. I’m trying to listen.
If you were to step out of your comfort zone what would that
look like? What is He asking you to
do? He doesn't call you to be
comfortable, this is a lie. He calls you
to be dependent upon Him and serve Him in every way with all your heart, mind,
soul and strength. What will that look
like in the next few months? I have no
idea! But I can trust Him. I've trusted
Him most of my life. I don’t plan on
changing that now. Are you comfortable
in your discomfort, has it become so familiar that it’s comfortable in its own
weird way? If so, in addition to that
level of discomfort, what is God asking you to do? How is He wanting to shake up your world and
use you in new ways?
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